BK SHIVANI offers a five-point plan to uplift our consciousness that can help us create harmony in relationships

1.From speaking well to thinking well: Relationships transcend words and behaviour,they depend on the energy exchange of thoughts and feelings.If our words are polite,our behaviour is courteous; when our thoughts are judgemental or critical, then we are creating a weak foundation.If our words are of love,but our thoughts are of hurt or rejection,then we are radiating vibrations of pain to the relationship.

2.From blame to personal responsibility: The most common belief is that someone else is responsible for how we feel. Regardless of the nature of the event or sharpness of the words intended to insult,our response is always our own creation.Their behaviour is the stimulus;how we think,feel and behave is our response.We have the freedom to choose our response. We are not machines who react automatically and say,“Obviously I will get angry,naturally I will get hurt”; there is nothing obvious,we have a choice always.We need to shift from an automated way of reacting to being aware that even if we are hurt,it is our creation and we have a choice — how long we wish to remain that way.We can choose a response of stability,calm and love.

3.From expectations to acceptance: When we have expectations,it is inner programming: “I want you to be my way. Only then I will be happy, else I get hurt and you are the cause of my hurt.”Our expectations are based on our perspectives of what is right which is based on our samskaras.Let us remember that everyone has been on a journey of many births in different environments, and they may carry samskaras completely different from ours.They will be the way their sanskaras allow them to be.Trust may be natural for us and,therefore,is our expectation,but if the other person has faced betrayal in some lifetime, for them,trust is associated with pain and therefore doubt is natural.Accepting people means even when their samskaras are not our way,we do not get disturbed because we understand their journey.This stability radiates love and respect and empowers them;else we radiate hurt and rejection to ourselves and to them.

4.From holding on to letting go: Often we go into long periods of silence after a conflict.We feel let down and choose to remain hurt or angry for hours,months or even years. The periods of negative silence deplete soul power and also affect the children in case of couples.We believe that silence gives us the space to heal our self before we come to normal. But a silence,in which both are upset only deepens the wound.Differences of opinion may be there,but let us not stop talking;let us get back to normal immediately.Being normal is healing for those involved and for all living in the same environment.

5.From seeking to giving: We enrich our lives drastically when we come into relationships for giving,not wanting.If we want love,trust,respect, happiness,let us give it to them.Let us shift from — “give me respect,trust me,understand me”to “I respect,understand and trust you.”Relationship is never about give and take.It is always about give-give-and-give.While giving,we are the first to receive as the energy flows through us to others.

By giving,we finish dependency and expectations from others. Healthy relationships are a source of energy.Just like the sun brightens every corner of the planet,harmonious relationships light up every aspect of life — spiritual,mental,emotional and physical.The foremost relationship begins when a child is in the mother’s womb and receives parents’thoughts as vibrations.Vibrations of rejection or stress received by a child at that stage last for years and may even lead to depression.■

By Sister Shivani,
Published in "The Speaking Tree"